TOP 5 GREATEST RAPPERS OF ALL TIME

#5 - MA$E








#4- MA$E








#3- MA$E








#2 - MA$E









AND NUMBER 1.................

MA$E

TELL ME HOW YA FOOT TASTE

ORTIZ TELL ME HOW YA FOOT TASTE. SERVES ALL YOU SOX FANS RIGHT FOR BEIN RETARDS AND BLINDLY WORSHIPPIN WHOEVER NESN TELLS YOU TO CHEER FOR. DONT WORRY, YOU GET TO KEEP WEARIN THE PINK HATS AND SING SWEET CAROLINE WHICH IS PRETTY MUCH ALL YOU CARE ABOUT ANYWAY. ORTIZ TELL ME HOW YA FOOT TASTE.

-- Boosh

Oh Sweet D Posted A Blog, We Get To Keep His Name on the Banner

Monday, July 27, 2009

GO
Posted by Droppin' Treats at 8:50 PM 0 comments

FUCK
Posted by Droppin' Treats at 8:49 PM 0 comments

YOURSELF
- D
Posted by Droppin' Treats at 8:45 PM 0 comments
Labels: D

Fucking hero....kid doesn't write for months and he does that to us? Well touche D, touche. Welcome back fuck nut, now get off your fat ass and post a real blog that actually makes me not want to kill myself.

Love you.

-Rockdaddy

Are You Fucking Serious Marbury?

I don't know if anyone watched the live streaming 24 hours of video that Stephon Marbury did on Sunday/Monday from his house. If you missed it, you missed one of the funniest, weirdest and scariest things all happening at once that I have ever seen and probably will ever see for my entire life.

Just a quick Starbury update, he is a free agent who lives in LA. apparently I missed the part of the video when he said he was still a 100 million dollar player in the NBA, but I was fortunate enough to hear him bring down his offer to 10 million dollars. But anyways, this may go down as the greatest train wreck of all time. It was so horrendous but there was no way that I wasn't watching every second of it. Marbury showed us the total package, he laughed, he rapped, he took shots at other NBA players, and by that I mean only LeBron James, he picked up bags of chips and empty plastic bottles and tried saying what his sales pitch would be if he was given some type of contract to sell that product. He had two massive crying fits in which he absolutely poured out tears for no real reason and had to be consoled by some random dude who I think was just there following Stephon around with the Web Cam/Laptop.

The most troubling moment of the film was when to cure his randomly extremely scratchy voice, Marbury killed a giant gob of Vaseline. Not only did he eat this gob of Vaseline but then he proceeded to try to grab the people who do the marketing for Vaseline by saying I like your product so much that I would eat more of it. That was when I had to cue the patent Rockdaddy dry heaves where I can feel my balls in my ears.

But regardless of all this, what happened to this guy? He used to be a stud. Now he is randomly crying and doing shit like this to get attention? Doesn't he realize that no team in the NBA will sign him just after what he did with that Vaseline... To steal a line from Jim Rome "Noe to all professional athletes, stop doing stupid things"

-Rockdaddy

When Walter Kronkite passed away, I was overwhelmed with sadness. With so many celebrity deaths out there, it really makes you realize how vulnerable we are. I mean, if Billy Mays can die, couldn't anyone? Maybe I'm not so invincible after all.

On a long ride home on Sunday, the radio station played songs by Left Eye Lopez, Notorious BIG, and Big Pun in a row. The sadness again continued as I lamented at the loss of each of these 90's hip hop stars. Then...it dawned on me.

This world is as cruel as it gets. We dont live in a world where things come up roses. We live in a world where the Sox can lose in 46, 67, 75, 86, and 2003. We live in a world where the illusion of democracy, rather than actual democracy, blankets society from governing themselves. But perhaps what makes the world most cruel, is that all of these celebrities above have died, while Gwen Stefani lives.

I know I know. I hate a lot of people and to even be referenced as someone I hate on this blog isn't a big deal. But Gwen Stefani being alive is a crime against humanity. Why? Because just like all the other celebs, she was around in the 90's. Yet, while they passed on, Stefani still produces garbage music. "If I was a rich girl" and "Holla back girl" might be the most agonizing moments I've had in my life next to my appendix rupture.

Yeah. Imagine if Gwen Stefani was a rich girl. Imagine if she was a successful singer that made millions off of retarded girls. Gwen Stefani makes awful music to throw it in our face, and she still lives to tell about it? The joke is on us.

-- Boosh

GO

FUCK

YOURSELF

- D

The D Countdown

This is an official Droppin' Treats statement. The author of this post will remain anonymous. If Michael "D" Cintolo does not post at least 3 things in the next 5 days, his name will be removed from the Droppin' Treats logo, and his picture will be replaced with a monkey having sex with a Jackolantern.


That is all.....sonssssssssss


- anonymous

More fwahgsh more fahn Seexsh Fwahgsh

The Bachelor Party was really everything it lived up to be. You know, I guess I just figured the mass media butchered bachelor parties just like they butcher high school parties in movies and tv shows.

I had 16 vodka sodas, in addition to the never ending flow of beer later. It was quite the experience. So now, the wedding. After a bachelor party like this, I can only imagine what the wedding will bring.

The reason I'm posting is because I really want to talk about 6 Flags. I really don't know what to make of them. They do awesome things and they do shitty things. First of all, I thoroughly enjoy 6 Flags in agawam. Second of all, I love that they built a water park. Third of all, they handle tragedy well when their roller coasters kill retarded people. (http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2004-05-01-mass-coaster-death_x.htm) Lastly, they are pulling some sick discounts this summer.

In a weak economy, when we got car companies spending millions of dollars putting out new cars every year instead of just making sure they sell all the 2008 and 2007 models first (might be a little more efficient but hey let's bail them out) or the banks who screwed millions with their shark mortgages and fraudlent schemes (let's bail them out too) In fact let's just hand out all the money to the same companies who have demonstrated they either don't know what to do with it, or will use it to screw more people over. Sigh. Anyways, back to six flags.

So, I love that they lowered prices this summer not only to salvage their business and at least get some money rolling in, but let's face it: the amusement park is really what America needs right now. A day to just forget everything and go on some rides.

Now, let's get to the negatives. First, the fuckin dancin old guy. Wtf is that. Then the authoritative Asian Guy yelling 6 Flags all up in your face, a tad bit offensive. Now, this summer, they decided to let the old guy talk AND dance. What the hell? Who does the Old Guy even appeal to? What doesthe old guy have to do with amusement parks? Old people arent even allowed on rides because they'll have heart attacks and they can't walk around in the sun all day.

Frankly, the old guy doesnt make sense. Second of all, why did they give him a voice? If you're going to give this guy a voice, why do you have to make him sound like a retard? The commercials are borderline embarassing, they start off great with the ridiculous old guy screaming CHURN THE BUTTER with the people takin pictures or the guy jumpin up n down. I mean, it's fairly funny. Then all of the sudden the retarded old guy appears in the middle of the screen, he does little gasp, n makes this retarded pout face and slurs "fwahgsh"

Then they show the roller coaster yada yada, and he does the more flags more fun 6 fwahgsh gimmick. Well i'll tell you this right now: I dont like it. I know homos like D probably like it. But then again, where the hell is Jimmy? Don't get me wrong, Rocco is great n all. But let's just point out I can't lay on my stomach without Rocco mounting me. I'm just saying...

So really, what I'm saying is, let's all get a 6 flags trip going. In fact, now that I'm thinkin about it. Ima do some more posts about my thoughts on amusement parks.

-- Boosh

Bachelor Party Review

DISCLAIMER:

Some Names Will Be Changed or Not Used During Parts of This Blog Post. Also, The Parts About the Gentleman's Club Will Remain Vague. For More Details You Can Ask One of Us In Person. Safety First People, That's What We Are All About

I have to first off apologize to our loyal followers out there for the lack of contribution for the last week or so on my part. Putting the final touches on this gem of a weekend had been at times a pain in the ass, as well as I was pretty much selling my body for extra money for this trip. Now that I have had said that, lets get going....

Needless to say that both Boosh and Jimmy were pretty close to dead on with what they predicted would probably happen at the this weekends get together. Minus all the parts about me drinking Zima's and somehow Jimmy punching me in the face of course. We left Fogies humble abode around 11 am on Saturday. We had a nice little caravan of people heading down to the casino lead by myself. We got there around 1, drove around the casino aimlessly and at the last second decided to just go check our shit in at the Hotel. Only 2 of the 4 rooms were ready so we just decided to throw all our bags into the 2 rooms, hang out then head over to Mohegan. Quick editors note. When we talk about getting "weird" on this blog it usually refers getting really drunk and acting like idiots. Obviously the drunker we are, the weirder shit gets. I can really say that starting from this point in the story, that shit gets fucking weird before we even had a sip of alcohol. Jimmy to no surprise cant open one of the clean rooms doors. So we call down to the front desk and they send up their handy man to take a look at it. He starts undoing the lock to the door and he hears some one in the room, so he panics and just asks if someones in there. Then all of a sudden after a haze cloud of pot passed by us, a massive black guy goes "Umm what time is it" Handy man response in utter shock by saying its 1:30, and then this black guy goes "Oh fuck me man, I gotta go". Slams the door and bounces. I immediately call down to the front desk and they had no record of this guy staying in the room. Obviously we are off to a good start. We decide to leave about 10 minutes later to head to the casino and right when we get out the room you just get pile driven by the smell of weed. I don't know what the fuck this dude was doing, but he had himself an awesome time last night.

So we finally caravan over to the casino, obviously on the less than 1 mile drive Fogie found a way to get us lost even though we all blamed Sacco. This is partly my fault because A) I refuse to purchase a GPS and 2) I let Fogie be in charge of something. Casino is fairly dead so we get a pretty decent parking spot and we make our move. Make a nice little dinner reservation at Michael Jordan's Sports Cafe, head down and let the games begin. We meet around the black jack table. That's where most of the excitement took place. Myself, besides being just an overall terrible person, am a terrible gambler. Within the first 5 minutes of me playing roulette, slots and black jack, I've lost 60 bucks. Not exactly the start I was looking for seeing that I was banking on winning some type of massive cash prize so I can retire, or at least leave comfortably for a week or something. The guys on the black jack table were spitting hot fire when they first sat down. Every hand was a winner at their table. But as usual, it got cold and no one knew when to quit. The person who had the fucking horse show up their ass was Harrison. He was killing at the slot machines. I don't know how he did it but at one point was up over $200 on those fucking machines. I of course try a machine right next to him, and then right after the one he was at and lose $40. I don't even come close to sniffing the break even line. Now about after roughly 2 hours or so I'm down $100. I vow not to gamble the rest of the night....

I cant believe how sweet Mohegan Sun is. The place is great. They have a Krispy Kreme donut shop inside the hotel. And its pretty fucking good too, sorry had to throw it in. So shortly after going down $100 bucks and having fries and onion rings at Bobby Flays burger joint and a Krispy Kreme donut, its dinner time at MJ's. Get a nice corner area for all 15 of us, the beers were flowing and they brought out all the food. Two of the guys we were with ordered 3 lb burgers. One of them came kinda close to finishing, the other didn't even get half way through. I'm kinda disappointed in myself for not attempting to eat the son of a bitch. Boosh put on his own eating display by not only eating his meal but trying to steal food off of everyone elses plate. He even took a shot at part of the 3 pounder, but failed miserably. Jimmy gave a great toast 'To Fogie...TO THE NEXT STEP". This phrase was said about 100 more times as the night went on.

After dinner we all decided to drive back to the hotel, get cleaned up for the rest of the night. Staying almost directly across from us is some group of couples, with one of them just getting married that day. They didn't really seem like the Mohegan type, the were more like the Hampton Beach and Casino type of people, or in other words white trash. Our two incidents with people in our hotel really says a lot about the fine establishment that we stayed in. We get back to Mohegan and we got about 3 hours to kill before the cabs come and get us for the Strip Club. So we gamble, and we all lose. Harrison loses his horse shoe, all the guys playing black jack were getting killed, I lost another 80 bucks on everything. Jimmy did OK on some poker. Nothing to really brag about on this appearance. So finally its 11, cabs are here, time to get to the Gold Club. We roll in 15 people deep and right away the boss brings me into his office. We collect the money and we get put into our blocked off area....

Unfortunately this is where the disclaimer comes in. We got to the club and they pretty much gave us free reign to do whatever we wanted from 11:30 until that bar closed. And then we went over to the other strip club next door that we had access to and stayed there until they were almost about to close. What we payed upfront payed for our beer for the entire night, discounted dances, and access to either side of this club. That's all the real hard hitting details I can give without feeling that I would ruin almost all of our lives. I will say a few things though that can kind of sum up at least my experience, if not almost everyone elses. I have never spent so much money on lap dances in my life for either myself or someone else, our waitress after a slow start, actually brought out more beer than we were almost able to finish, my body is extremely sore from some things I experienced while getting a dance, I learned some things about myself and others, and I didn't realize how much 20 dollars to a working girl means when you can act like some of us did. Nothing bad happened, which was great, no one did anything stupid, which was also great. So all in all a fantastic showing by the gold club.

One of the funnier moments of the night was when we were about to leave I witnessed two people in our party who will remain nameless, where one was puking and the other was lying on his back, on the sidewalk, passed out from an overdoes of beer, gambling loses, and tits.

I think overall the bachelor party was a success. Now I just will have to work everyday for the rest of my life and afterlife to make back what I spent this weekend. Good things, good things.

-Rockdaddy

BACHELOR PARTY PREVIEW

Every once in a blue moon comes a weekend that's been marked on your calendar for months. You thought about it, talked about it with your friends, evan ran hypothetical scenarios through your head before you go to sleep.

That weekend has come upon us. The Bachelor Party of the Decade. If any of us were responsible enough to own a camera, it would likely get destroyed this weekend anyway, so there was never a chance of this being photographed. If I hadn't went to Europe this summer, I would have lost way more money.

Here's the strategy: See, the groom to be, has a darker complexion than most. In fact, I believe his nickname on the hs football team was "7502." That being the case, I withdrew $1,000 from the bank today, will walk into Mohegan Sun tomorrow.

Here's the plan, including jimmy's previous scenario: We all head to Moehan Sun. Jimmy instantly downs 4 rum n cokes. D heads off to play Bingo. Rocco goes to get the Zima. Exchange my $1,000 for a $1,000 chip. Light up a stogie. Get my trademark Absolut on the rocks. Find the nearest Roulette table and bet it all on black. Watching as the ball lands gently on a red 18, I take a few puffs out of the stogie, pound the rest of my absolut, act like I do it every day, and walk away with tears rolling down my cheek.
After about 7 more Absolut on the rocks, I'll put on a fanny pack and go to the dance club and grind up on as many swamp donkeys as I see. Once I get sick of murking with the swampers, I'll stagger into the slot machines and make it rain all over old ladies. I find Rocco, who at this point has just been punched in the face by Jimmy, and D is consoling Rocco and offering to buy him a Smirnoff Ice. D was already cocked after his first Twisted Tea and introduced me to this 70 year old lady who he had met at Bingo and was tryin to convince her to come back to his room with him.

I take Rocco's dazed face into my lap, and revive him by pouring vodka down his throat. He starts coughing and gagging and D starts crying. The old lady takes D away and I never see them again. I leave Rocco back at the penny slots and head to the poker table.

I sit down at the table with a 40 year old Asian Guy, a latina hooker and an Irish deadbeat one OUI away from permanent loss of license. I sit down at the table and put in my ante. I'm dealt my 2 cards. For some reason, there is a guy in a vest standing up while the others are sitting down. The Asian guy checked by waving his hand over his cards, I looked at my hand, it was pocket Aces. I said, what the hell, I'm all in. I pushed all my chips into the middle of the table dramatically and started daring the hooker to call me. At this point, the dealer informed me that I was actually sitting at a blackjack table and was so hammered that I never even realized that I could see everyone's hand.

I hit him with a "Shutup" and say, "you gonna call me or what you pussy." Then all of the sudden I fell down. Had I not consumed an entire handle of vodka, I probably would have felt the billy club hit the back of my head. As security forcefully ejects me from the casino I ask them where the closest Wendy's is and if they want in. they slam the door in my face. fine. no jr bacons for them.

I wake up on the side of the road about a half mile from Mohegan to a coyote taking a shit on my leg. I have 20 missed calls, 10 voice mails and 40 texts from D wondering if 70 year olds can get pregnant. All I keep thinking was how I shoulda slow-played those pocket Aces.

Let the games begin

-- Boosh

R.I.P. Trivia Nights

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.” - Albert Einstein.

For those of you who don't know me, Einstein is one of my greatest influences. Many brush him aside and say yeah yeah yeah he's a genius and never bother to look at his work. I could go on and on about how upset Einstein would be at the state of current global affairs and society, but I'll limit my rant to one facet.

I always had a hard time figuring out the direction of this quote. Nuclear bombs? Computers? Machines taking jobs away from people? What was Einstein getting at here? Naturally, these thoughts race through my mind at all hours of the day until one night, as I sat at a local bar, it dawned on me. Einstein's quote was eerily prophetic. Clearly, the quote applies to Trivia Nights.

See, I was at a trivia night, basically the most human activity of all sorts. Why? Because you combine brains, competition, and drinking. See, all animals can have strength, but only humans can participate in trivia nights. As for competition, Capitalist society was founded on competition. Even in the most primitive of societies, men competed to catch food, women, typhoid fever. Lastly, drinking. Well, we may not love drinking as much as half the guys you went to college with, who were too afraid to drink in high school, let alone middle school, but all of the sudden think they're heroes cuz they won a beirut game senior year at college. Point being, with so many assholes that go tommy tough nuts when they get a sniff of beer, we still find ourselves at the local watering holes.
Now, having established that trivia night is the epitome of humanity, you're probably wondering where I'm going with this. Well, think about the last time you were at trivia night. You were probably there with your friends, feeling both excited and confident that you'll do well. When assembling a trivia team, it's important to be diverse. Don't just pick friends. Pick the guy who knows music, movies, and TV (Jimmy), the guy who knows history and geography (me), the guy who knows sports (Rocco), and the guy who knows how to blow tons of dudes (D). With a diverse team, you'll have more disagreements over the right answer, but more often than not, the right answer will be had.

Anyways, everyone goes to trivia night to have a good time, drink, and hopefully win. Yet, times are a changin'. When cell phones first broke onto the scene. They had to be banned. The same guys who probably argue incessantly that the game of "beiruit" is called beerpong are probably the reason that cell phones got banned at trivia nights (It's called Beirut. See the movie Beerfest to find out what Beerpong actually is). Taking self righteous douchebaggery to a whole new level, these guys would call or text their friends, mothers, boyfriends and ask for the answer while sitting at the table. Naturally, when four guys with sunglasses, button down shirts ordering pitchers of Zima not only know what the Zimmerman Note is, but know that it was sent to Mexico, from Germany, discovered by Britain, and implicated the United States and was the boiling point for America to declare war on Germany in WWI; eyebrows will be raised.

So clearly, this group had been on the phone calling people for answers all night. It happened all over the country because let's face it, these shmucks are a dime a dozen. So then people complained about not havin cell phones so they were unfortunately let back into trivia nights. Now, the rules are pretty grey "you can't leave the table with a cell phone, you can't talk on the phone etc etc) but you'll still find people sneaking out and doing just that.

Well, I wasn't sure about Einstein's quote application until now. See, the Iphone has been created. The IPhone has killed Trivia Nights. Completely. Worse off, the same type of people who are known to own IPhones are exactly the type of people you'd expect to cheat on trivia night, with a few exceptions. It's the perfect storm. I'm sure we'll all own a version of a touch screen hand held computer someday, but the point is, the only people who own them noware exactly the the type who cheat on trivia. So naturally, trivia nights are doing to become extinct. How do you even police IPhone usage? Disable the Internet everywhere? I suppose that could work. but in the city? There's always a connection.

All I can do is pray. Einstein was right. Technology has exceeded our humanity...and is set to destroy something so dear to all of us...Our trivia nights.

-- Boosh

SUBMITTED BY SEAN WILKINSON

www.seanwilkinsoncomedy.com

Most Pointless Job of the Week Award

This weeks " Most Pointless Job of The Week Award" goes to the lady in her mid 30's who works at the CVS in Copley Square. See her job is to monitor the "Self Checkout" line, and let you know when there is no one in line so you can use it.
"Holy Shit", thank you soo much lady for letting me know the person in front of me was done with their transaction. I couldn't tell when they picked up their bag of items they just bought and left the store.

She then goes on to tell me how to use the self checkout machine as if it was a hi- tech computer system built for NASA. " You mean I'm suppose to swipe my card where it says "Swipe Card"...... thank you so muchhh, I was planning on throwing my card at the computer screen and then licking the card swiper, and then proceedin to punch myself in the left eye "


What would we ever do without you.... oh yea.... get 10 min of our lives back


POINTLESS

- JimmyJames

JIMMYJAMES' PREDICTION FOR FOGIES BACHELOR PARTY

SATURDAY MORNING:


11:20 A.M.- Wake up from DavisFest probly on the kitchen counter with complete disregard for Rocco's strict agenda ( " Guys were meeting at Fogies at 8 a.m."... ok hero, i got a better idea, it rhymes with blow me)



2:45 P.M. - Make it to Mohegan Sun after ignoring 8 voicemails from Rocco wondering where me, Harrison, and Davis are. Proceed to call Rocco back, call him a gaylord, and hang up while giggling.


3:00 P.M. - Sit down to play poker, and quickly drop 2 hundos when my Kings get cracked by a donkey's A 10. Proceed to chug my 5th Rum and coke, yell obscenities at the old lady who just took my money, and storm out of the poker room.


4:00 P.M. - Finally find Rocco at a random lobby bar drinking a Zima out of a glass with a pink crazy straw. I flip him off and keep walking while double fisting Rum and Cokes.


5:00 P.M. - Stumble back into the poker room, keep goin all in with whatever cards I have..... get called by a semi good player.... and win with my ridiculously bad hand...... laugh at him for the next 25 min while talking trash about how good I am and leave after drinking 2 more free rum and cokes .


7:00 PM. - Meet all the guys at Michael Jordans restaurant for dinner , and get kicked out after using the community bread as a pillow.


11:30 P.M. - Wake up in our bath tub covered in whip cream and strawberry syrup. I dont ask who did it, but instead go find Rocco playing the penny slot machines and punch him in the face as hard as I can, breaking my right hand.


1:00 A.M. - Leave a local Conn. hospital with a cast on my right hand and meet the guys at the strip club



9:30 A.M. - Wake up covered in Sharpie, and nacho cheese. I am also handcuffed to a manikin which I apparently stole....Wondering what took place from the time i got to the strip club till now.


12:30 P.M. - Make it back to Medford with no money, pride , or any recollection of even seeing Fogaren the day before.......


sounds bout right

JimmyJames @ Work

Rockdaddy's Wedding Guest Sweepstakes

Well much in the same way Boosh has publicized who he should bring to our buddies wedding and why, I feel obligated to do the same thing. Partly I feel this way because I know the othter two dooshbags who supposedly blog on this site, wont blog anything at all.

But I digress....

My criteria for someone who would be a good date for a wedding fulfills a lot of different criteria. They have to have the Mel Kiper Jr. "WOW" factor, they have got to be down for having a good time, someone who is not going to be affected by not knowing a whole lot of people, and really some one who at the end of the night is a person that no one will ever forget. So needless to say I have the perfect guest in mind....my baby cousin.

Some of you might be reading this and are saying are you fucking retarded? And the answer to that is simply yes. Others might be saying you are a fucking genius. And the answer to that is simply yes as well. I'm a retarded genius. My baby cousin fills all the criteria listed above perfectly. He is gonna be a dominate fixture at this wedding. Lets go down the check list. Mel Kiper "WOW" factor....its a fucking baby, check. Have a good time...he is easily amused by shiny objects and people dancing like a idiots, check. Lack of being affected by not knowing other people....he doesn't know what his name is, he doesn't know anything, check. Is he someone who no one will ever forget...going back to answer number 1, he is a fucking baby, check.

There are numerous angles i can work here with having my baby cousin come. They all though mean that my cousin for the night now becomes my son. I'm not too worried about him spilling the beans cuz you know, he cant walk yet. I can play the broken hearted father whose wife just had the baby and left. I can say i adopted the baby, I can say that he was left on my doorstep. Throw something out there. Its all deadly. And the other side it shows that I am single. And if there is one thing that women love is a single guy with a baby. Partly they love them because its not there baby. And it means that there vagina hasn't been rendered useless and there ass doesn't look like the back end of a trailer. Not saying that all women that have had babies look like that, but that's just how they think. Pretty selfish on the girls part that thinks this way if you ask me. The other thing is that it shows that the guy is mature. Women for some odd reason like guys that are mature. Weird....

What it all comes down to in the end is that I am going to have my pick of the litter hopefully when its all said and done if I execute my plan properly. Every single chick at a wedding wants to get fucked. Its a fact of life. And any woman that tells you differently is a filthy liar because they all think about there own wedding and they are gonna be drunk and that's when snipers like myself come in for the kill. Its fishing with dynamite. Every guy every day of his life wants to fuck. Its a match made in heaven. Boosh, always the thinker of our group, is thinking with his big head, myself on the other hand, is thinking with my lil head. Either way, its a win win for all of us.

-Rockdaddy

Tall Ships?

What's the fascination with tall ships? On my 2.5 mile walk to work, I can't help but notice these goofy looking things all over the place. Why do tourists go bananas over these things? They're ships. Big deal.

I remember D's old apartment had a nice little nautical theme to it. You're probably wondering who D is. Well D is the guy who we thought would probably be a fun guy to include on the blog. Well if bad ideas didn't exist, how would we know what the good ones were?

First of all, who decided to call them "tall ships?" Is that the best we can do? We live in an adjective-happy society and the best we can do is "Tall" ships? They aren't even that tall. The Titanic was probably taller. There are millions of pointless things in the world but as long as they are a novelty, they prove to be useful. But really, the tall ships ARE NOT TALL. So what's the novelty? How bout I buy a 40 foot poll. Tie a bedsheet to it and carry it while I sit on a funoodle in Boston Harbor? Wouldn't I be accomplishing the same thing?

Speaking of ships though, it appears that the flooding could be over. Thank god because I really wasnt feeling confident that Noah got the memo to build that ark. Let's face it, God probably tried leavin Noah like 2 voice mails, tried to gchat him a few times and maybe even left a voicemail. Even if Noah got the messages from God to build the ark, what the hell is he gonna do? Yeah God, I'm gonna quit work so I can build some ark. Who the hell is going to pay my rent? Oh, does this sound like the plot of Evan Almighty? If it does, I'm sorry you saw it because already my 2 sentences about Noah building an ark in 2009 are funnier than that garbage movie.

so anyways, if this bad weather continues, maybe we're all supposed to board these tall ships and watch the floods cleanse society. I wouldnt have much of a problem with that. Considering I walk about 5 miles a day through this city, the only people I don't consider slapping are the ones I flat out want to punch. You know how there are rules of the road? Here's the rules of the sidewalk

1. IF YOU'RE GOING TO WALK SLOW, THEN MOVE TO THE RIGHT

2. Don't be that guy that cuts off cars and ignores traffic lights. It's not fair that old people kill normal pedestrians accidentally when they should be running over pedestrians crossing streets that cars have the green light on.
3. DON'T STOP WALKING FOR NO REASON. IF YOU MUST PULL A ONE EIGHTY, TAPER OFF, DO NOT DO AN ABOUT FACE OR I WILL PLOW RIGHT INTO YOU WITHOUT HESITATION.

4. YOU ARE NOT A TOUGH GUY BY HITTING PEOPLE WITH YOUR SHOULDER WHEN YOU REFUSE TO SLIGHTLY TURN YOUR BODY WHEN SQUEEZING THROUGH PEOPLE. IN FACT, IT MEANS YOU'RE THE OPPOSITE.

5. DON'T SING WHILE LISTENING TO YOUR IPOD. NOBODY CARES.
5a. Really, Nobody cares about anything you do. Everyone is just as self-absorbed as you are. So stop calling attention to yourself in all facets of your life.

6. IF YOU GOT KIDS, KEEP THEM NEXT TO YOU AND DONT LET THEM WALK AROUND AIMLESSLY OR ELSE MY KNEE WILL GO INTO THEIR FACE.

7. YOU'RE SUNGLASSES AREN'T FOOLING ANYONE. WE KNOW YOU'RE INSECURE. TALKING ON A CELL PHONE WHILE YOU WALK IS BAD. TEXTING AND WALKING IS WORSE. YOU'D LOVE TO THINK YOU'RE THAT IMPORTANT.

8. Real men NEVER use umbrellas. EVER. Hence, I've been quite the wuss the past 2 weeks. But the fact is, if i'm wearing really nice clothes that I'm being a bitch about getting wet? let's face it, im not a man. and if i see you're a guy with an umbrella, you're castrated.

9. NEVER BE NICE TO THE GREENPEACE PEOPLE WITH THE CLIPBOARDS. THEY ARE THE SCUM OF SOCIETY. THEY ARE SMUG COLLEGE EDUCATED MORONS WITH SO LITTLE TALENT THAT THEY CAN ONLY STAND ON A STREET SOLICITING PEOPLE. THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THEM AND THE HOMELESS IS A CLIPBOARD.

10. HOLD DOORS OPEN FOR PEOPLE. SERIOUSLY, DO IT.

If you have any suggestions, post them, but don't do it anonymously. All we have are anonymous posts. It's almost like you're all ashamed to be reading the blog. Oh wait...

-- Boosh

Boosh's Wedding Guest Sweepstakes

Well, in case you didn't know, we got our first high school friend's wedding coming up this summer. We got a bachelor party comin up in a couple weeks down in Mohegan which promises to be an expensive weekend. However, the real shock here is getting a "Plus One" on the invite. For those of you who don't know, a "Plus One" on an invite means you get to bring anyone you want.

Considering the lack of significant others in my life, I'm really at a loss for who I should take to this wedding. After all, you want to bring someone you can have fun with, laugh with, and have a few drink with. Pretty much, you want to bring a practical guest. So it finally hit me. I'm going to bring a female paramedic to the wedding.

Think about it. After my 40th shot of vodka, chances are I'm going to need medical attention. In fact, if I don't need medical attention after the night, I'd consider it a failure anyway. If you need a mental image/preview. it oughta look like this. so you know, i think a paramedic is prob gonna be the best idea cuz id much rather one of them give me mouth to mouth than D.

Anyways, my roommate Dave emailed this to me awhile ago. and i gotta be honest, this might be the most ridiculous thing Ive ever seen. http://www.cuddleparty.com/


First, look at the Rules. Then look at the Cuddlemonials. Lastly, look at the FAQs. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS. Looks like I'm gonna have to show up drunk, naked, or both and have myself a party. What type of people go to these things? guess im gonna have to find out.

Wow, didn't know D made it to these things /\

-- Boosh

The Hangover Review

Well I know this was a long time coming (that's what she said), but here it is, "The Hangover" review.

Now before I get started, I had this conversation with someone about the movie. I think this is a movie that people at our age are more able to relate to. Kinda like in the way that we were able to relate to the "American Pie" movies. Pretty much your whole senior year of high school was based around a few main factors; sports, parties, college, sex, prom. That's why American Pie was such a big hit with us, because for the most part we lived it. This is pretty much the same with "The Hangover". We are at the age and this blog shows it all the time, where people are getting married, people are in serious relationships and in a fucked up way, we are growing up. So this movie puts that in perspective...

The movie chronicles 3 best friends and the future weirdo soon to be brother in law on their Vegas bachelor party. You got your four classic main ingredients to a solid wedding party. The groom, the pussy whipped straight edge friend, the potential serial killer, and the "Man".

Zach Galifainakis, who plays the grooms brother, is the future brother in law that is kinda fucked up and in his words a "lone wolf". But without question, he is the funniest character in the movie. The combination of his out of shapeness, sweet ass beard and what he believes to be serious in the movie but is actually fucking hilarious actions make the movie.

Bradley Cooper, or Sac from "Wedding Crashers" plays the "Man". He is the best man, best friend, hes married and is totally against all weddings. Very much similar to how Vince Vaughn was in "Old School". But he is the high roller and the one who wants to get the weirdest out of everyone.

Ed Helms, or Andy from "The Office" is the pussy whipped, straight edge friend. He claims to be a doctor when he is just a dentist. His girl friend, is a total bitch and essentially runs his life and he has come to grips that she fucked a bartender on a cruise while they were dating because she hates semen and he didn't go inside her......

Finally, the groom is Justin Bartha, he was the sidekick in the "National Treasure" series. And like in those movies his role is fairly small. But for the most part he was pretty funny the parts he was in. And I mean you kinda need the whole groom thing for the wedding to go on.

Essentially what you see in the previews is what the movie is based about. The guys head to Vegas for the bachelor party. Shit gets weird, and I mean it gets really fucking weird, and they actually lose Doug, the groom. None of the guys remember what happened last night because of how fucked up they were so they try to piece together the night before by clues that were left in their fucked up hotel room and some clues they have on them. As the movie goes on, and they start to find out more shit about the night before, they start to run into more hilarious road bumps and piece together what an awesome night they actually had. Eventually after some crazy shit goes on, they find Doug, bust ass back to Cali and the wedding goes on with out a hitch.

I'm leaving out a lot of details about how fucked up they were and how they got so fucked up just in case some people still haven't seen the movie.

Some of the cameo's made in the movie are fucking fantastic. Mike Tyson's role was perfect for him. He was in it just enough, and I think he just acted normal, so that was hilarious. And when Galifianakis gets punched it is beautiful. Then Heather Graham, who I dont think has been in a movie since Austin Powers, is bringing the fucking heat. She was "UUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH" all movie long. Good for her, cuz she is diffidently a cougar now. And the wedding band was the same band from "Old School". They sang another sick song and like always made a complete mockery of it.

Anyways, one of the best parts of this film is that it never had that 30 minute time frame when it turned into a chick flick like so many movies like this have. There was never the time when it got all mushy and it got awkward. It was non stop the entire time. And for people worried like I was that the previews gave too much away, it really didn't. There was a lot of the movie in the previews but the movie expands on them so much it doesn't even matter cuz the movie expands on them so much.

All in all this movie was priceless. We were pissing ourselves laughing the entire time. So we probably missed some other funny parts because we were laughing so hard. But this movie was absolutely worth the price of admission. Not to mention that the ending of the movie was probably the funniest part.....

-Rockdaddy

EUROTREAT

The following is an excerpt from a journal I kept while I was backpacking across Europe for the past few weeks

Day 6





The subway to Gare D'Est was relatively normal. I was walkin around the train station and I saw this guy in front of me just collapse and grab his leg in pain. I tried to tell him it was a cramp but he had no idea what I was sayin. So I started rubbin my calf and tryin to get him to do it usin my weird gestures. He finally picks himself up and asks me a few questions. They weren't normal things to ask. He asked me where I lived and who I was traveling with and all these questions you would only expect a rapist to ask. I made sure I ended the question before I told him I didnt have any STDs because I'm pretty sure that would have done me in. Get me out of Paris.

First big mistake of the trip. Well, I still dont have a watch and I'm falling asleep on the train. Well, I was connecting to Munich at Stuttgart, Germany. Well, turns out this a city called Strasbourg, France that is pretty close to Stuttgart. So, we pull into a few stations and I groggily open my eyes but I realize we're not there yet...until Strasbourg. So, I wake up and see STRASBOURG and I think, oh crap, I gotta get off, thinking it was Stuttgart. So I sprinted off the train with my bag and i walk into an empty station. Then, this funny feeling comes over me, like the feeling that says "you're an idiot and got off at the wrong stop." I look up at the clock and it was about an hour before I was about to arrive at Stuttgart. "Uh Oh. I'm at the wrong stop." So the train blows its horn and I sprint back onto the ramp. It starts to move, I start yelling. Miraculously, it stopped. One of the workers was standin by the door and he let me on pretty quickly. I was too ashamed to go back to my original seat so I sat somewhere else.

So I connect in Stuttgart and continue to sleep on the train to Munich. I actually almost made the same mistake again. I either need a watch, or I need to stop sleeping on trains. Well, it turns out, I did get off at the wrong stop. I got off at this Munich stop that was outside the city. I saw a Munich sign and figured that was it. But nobody else got off. I'm not one to follow crowds, but apparently I should start in order to save myself some time. So, now I need to figure out how to get into the city. Oh look, there's a homeless guy.

Hey homeless guy, how do I get to downtown Munich? What? You speak English? Weird. so he shows me how to buy a subway ticket and everything. I was grateful. He asked me if I could spare him a dime to return the favor. I gave him 50 cents, thinking he would be even more grateful. Instead, he says "No. I asked for a dime." So I went through my pockets and found a dime and gave it to him. what kind of homeless guy is this?

The subway was clean. Very quick too. Pulled into downtown Munich and found my hostel pretty easily. Checked into my room and quickly made my way into the city. First of all, there are clock towers everywhere in Munich so it looks like I'm not getting a watch today. There were practically no cars, everyone is on a bike. Munich has a huge garden/park in the middle of the city, which was also pretty impressive. Alotta naked old dudes though. All this green in the city, no wonder why there were so many bugs. Not to mention, I saw the biggest spider I'd ever seen just chilling in the park.

It was time to go to my first beergarden. I was hungry and thirsty. So first, with the eats: I got a cheese bavaria and I also got some sauerkraut. If I ever become a vegetarian, I will eat cheese bavaria's every day for the rest of my life. I gotta say, after washing this down with a Hofbrau, I was considerably impressed with German food. The beergarden experience was pretty awesome. Little did I know that I would be back a few hours later.

So I stroll back to the hostel at around 7pm. I walk up to a group of 5 guys and ask them what they are doing tonight. They spoke broken English. Turns out they are from Mexico. I love it. The whole world is filled with idiots who are scared about swine flu and I'm about to get hammered with 5 guys from Guadalajara Mexico.

So the cinco amigos convince me to do the "beer challenge." basically a pub crawl, but also a drinking contest. Now, I know everyone is saying, Jeff in a "beer" challenge? What a joke. He probably had 2 beers and then complained about having a stomachache and whining about wishing he had vodka. Well, I did it. I didnt win it, but hey, at least I finished.

So the beer challenge was a total sausage fest. It began with chugging a beer on the subway. Drinking in public? good. Drinking on public transportation? better. I got to know alotta the other guys doin the challenge. Some Aussies, Canucks and some English, a guy from South Korea and the 5 mexicanos. So we went to a couple more beergardens and got absolutely hammered. I drank beer out of a bucket.

So at the last bar, we started doing shots of jager. Nice. At this point, I really dont know what else happened that night.

-- Boosh

The Return of a Legend

Well there aren't too many times that you will read this blog and I will be this happy after a Boston sports team loss, but tonight without question is one of those nights.

Saturday July 31, 2004 is a day that I will remember forever. My summer baseball team in North Carolina, the Wilson Tobs, was in the middle of BP when the Fayetteville Swampdogs announcer was reading off all the trades that were made at the MLB deadline. I was taking grounders at first base when the announcer goes "And finally, the Boston Red Sox have traded Short Stop Nomar Garciaparra....". That was all I heard. I was virtually paralyzed. My favorite athlete of all time on my favorite team had been traded away.

After the game I get on the team bus for the long ride back home and I had all types of texts and voice mails. Some saying sorry, some making fun of the situation. My mother, always the crier and most likely where I get my big pussy side from, left a voice mail on my phone and she was crying for me about Nomar being traded. My host family, despite them living in the boondocks of North Carolina, were huge Yankee fans. Not even them would talk to me about the trade. They knew how devastated I was about this.

I knew that Nomar was going to get traded before it even happened. He had his struggles this year. There were all the quotes from team mates and even upper management. They didn't call him out, but there where hints. There were rumors that entire season. In fact, it was before the season when he was almost traded to make room for ARod when all the serious trade talks started. And then the game against the Yankees with Jeter going into the stands. Him hurting his Achilles in spring training is still one of the greatest mysteries in Boston sports history. I knew this day was coming, I just never wanted it to come. I couldn't realistically come to grips with it. It was like a punch in the gut when you weren't looking, absolutely devastating.

It all started with a trip to Pawtucket with my family. Nomar was playing Short Stop and my dad kept telling me "Watch him Mike, he is going to be a superstar". So I did, I watched his crazy pre at bat routine. How smoothly he played short, how aggressive he swung the bat, everything about him. Then he made it to the show and was an instant star. Rookie of the year, All-Stars, Batting titles, he did it all. He was the savior. He was going to be the corner stone of numerous World Series. He was going to be the one responsible for breaking the curse. He was a sure fire Hall of Famer. He was the new face of the franchise.

Too many people have short term memories. You ask any kid in New England who his/her favorite baseball player was from 1997-2004 it was one person, Nomar Garciaprra. He was part of the "Holy Trinity" of short stops with Jeter and ARod. You could have even made the case at times trough out this 8 year span that Nomar was the best of the 3. All people remember is him not signing the 4 year 60 million dollar offer that the Sox had for him when that was substantially less what ARod, Jeter, Tejada and other Short stops where making. Him not always being the friendliest person with the media and at times looking like he didn't care. But that wasn't him at all. He was no Manny. Nomar poured his guts out for this city. And yes, if the Red Sox had not traded him away, the Sox still probably don't have a World Series win since 1918 but that's not on him. Nomar gave all he could to this city and whether you want to believe it or not he wanted to be a Red Sox for life and have his number put up in Right Field one day between Joe Cronin and Johnny Pesky.

So tonight, July 6, 2009, he made his triumphant return. He got the ovation he deserved and If you don't think I got goosebumps your fucking crazy. And yes, maybe I did cramp up a little watching him get the loudest and longest ovation for any athlete in Boston that I have been alive to see. Is he a shell of the number 5 that we knew, yes. But he will always be our number5 and no matter who wears it after, Rocco Baldelli or whoever else, Nomar Garciaparra will always be our number 5, our short stop and our cornerstone. And one day when some poor woman decides it a good idea to conceive a child with me, you better believe he is going to wear 2 wrist bands, #5 and swing at the first pitch

Welcome back Nomar and thank you for what you did for Boston.

-Rockdaddy

Wedding Invitation Came in the Mail....Oh Boyyyy

Yup that's right...this pretty much makes it official that its gonna happen. Once you get the invitation you know its on, there is no turning back after this. The next 46 days of Fogies life are going to be the most gut wrenching of his life. Everyday he is going to wake up with butterflies. Shit I am starting to get butterflies over the bachelor party that we are 2 weeks away from. Hell I'm nervous about picking between the chicken or the roast for the meal and I need to make that decision by next week. Lets not even talk about the Best Man's speech which I have no idea where I am going with. But after a long conversation with D, who also claims he is making an appearance on the blog again, I feel better about myself and the direction I want to go in.

Anyways, a few odds and ends need to be cleaned up before the bachelor party but that itinerary is pretty much all set. Now I just got to work on the beach body a little more, hope the tan comes in and pray for better weather. Not to mention now Davis Fest is being held the day before we leave for the bachelor party, which essentially means that this weekend could go down as one of the most glorious of all time. And if glorious isn't the right word then I think shit show fits in quite well.

Stay tuned for more details and rundown of the party after it goes down.

Also, I know people have been bitching about the review for "The Hangover", that comes out soon as well.

-Rockdaddy

OK Mother Nature Has Officially Pissed Me Off

Alright I'm not a huge fan of the beach. I cant swim, I don't like going into water were people pee in and I get nervous when I cant see the bottom. I am a huge fan of nice weather, the summer, Guido tank tops and bud light limes. So just like yourself, this weather has been fucking killing me.

I got no problem if it rains here and there. Hey it happens, and to be honest with ya, we need some off days now and then. But for it to rain 22 out of 30 days in a month is fucking insanity. Not to mention that this past month was June, the first month of summer, not some shit month like March. The warmest day of the month was last Thursday....and it was a high of 74!! Are we in the fucking arctic circle? What happened to going outside and seeing the girlie's with the bikini tops and tans? What happened to sweating your tits off going from your front door to the mailbox? How about what actually happened to waking up in the morning and planning an impromptu trip to the beach. And who cares if its that sleazy shit hole known as Hampton Beach.

Its like a goddamn morgue around here too now because of this shit. Everyone is all depressed. People are all hunch backed and grumpy. We are all bundled up in jackets and sweatshirts. Its like a walking suicide march. This is what it must be like to be in one of those third world Russian satellite countries.

The worst part about this whole thing is that you think once June ends, mother nature is going to turn the page, make an adjustment and get rid of this rain. Well, after 2 days that couldn't be further from the truth. Yesterday it was actually hailing outside. What do we need to do to catch a break around here? Did the northeast region do something to piss somebody off from above?

But keep hope my friends, I have faith and hopefully it starts this weekend. Its 10:28 a.m and no sight of rain yet. Its a step in the right direction. I think mother nature is learning her lesson finally. Just make sure to keep one thing in mind, once it gets to the end of July and August when we have our usually two week stretch of oppressive heat, there is no bitching and asking for rain dates. We used them all up already.

-Rockdaddy