BREAKING NEWS: LEBRON JAMES CAUGHT CHEATING WITH 40 DIFFERENT WOMEN

CLEVELAND -

The National Enquirer is reporting that 40 different women have had sexual intercourse with LeBron James. The Cavaliers have issued no statement at this time and LeBron's agent could not be reached for comment.

The women come from all cities throughout the country. Notably, and perhaps not surprisingly, the women hail from other cities that host an NBA team.

Most peculiar of all, many of his mistresses allege that he can only do it in a room plastered with Vlade Divac posters while watching videotaped footage of car accidents.

Let's address each of these allegations separately:
Room plastered with Vlade Divac posters. This is a very disturbing thought. LeBron James, King James, all that bull shit, can only be sexually stimulated in the presence of Vlade Divac? Vlade may have been finishing up just as LeBron was starting his career, which means that LeBron grew up not only watching Divac in the NBA, but apparently idolizing it. Further peculiar is the fact that Vlade Divac was a center, a typical big man, where as LeBron can play the 1,2 or 3.

The videotaped footage of car accidents. Well, this is a little less disturbing than Vlade Divac, but still horrifying. As for the mistresses, I'm sure vlade was somewhat acceptable, but how does LeBron justify turning on his DVD of car accident footage during foreplay? What goes through a girls mind when she goes reverse cowgirl, surrounded by images of sweaty Vlade Divac grabbing rebounds, while LeBron watches mack trucks absolutely decimate minivans filled with innocent families?

Tiger Woods may have gone to sex rehab and apologized for it. LeBron James may need more than sex rehab to help himself with this problem. In fact, it's quite possible that LeBron should be committed.

In other words, Happy Birthday Brian, and may all of your future ideas come to as good a fruition.

-- Boosh